We were at dinner at our friends’ house about a week ago and I was passing through the kitchen when I catch this part of a conversation my wife is having with her best friend.
“… I mean you know we’re freakin’ crazy, give him a break.”
“Ha HA hA ha Ha.” They share a laugh over this comment that is apparently very obvious to both of them. (By the way the “him” is her friend’s husband. My wife was telling her friend to give her husband a break because she is crazy).
Do you know the significance of this? I heard my wife tell her best friend that she knows they are nuts, crazy!
I once said something to my wife that very remotely insinuated in a off hand way that she may be slightly leaning towards needing some assistance with her mental capabilities and she totally flipped out. I mean ran into the basement crying and stayed down there for a good fifteen minutes until I came down and talked her into coming upstairs and at least to try crying in our bedroom. Which she did, and then she sat quietly staring at the wall, and then after about half an hour more started speaking to me again. I mean you would think I told her her mom was an android, or I have a twin who’s been taking my place every other week. No, no it was far less dramatic than that. You’d think maybe I told her she didn’t look good in the dress I got her for her birthday – come on, I’m not that stupid. No, no here’s what I said.
“When I asked you to have sex with me you just laughed.”
“I did not!” she says.
“Yeah, you did.”
“I would never do that.”
“You did. You laughed.”
Cry run, cry, basement, cry, convince, bedroom, etc.
“I am not crazy!” was the first complete sentence she said to me after she started crying that night.
“What? I didn’t say you were crazy.”
“You said…”
“I said, you…” (are crazy!) “you… Well you know what I said.” I’m not chasing her into the basement again, “But you’re right you are not crazy. I would never say that.” (we are so not having sex tonight. Jeesh.)
Silence and weird staring at each other, and eventually I go over and put my hand on her shoulder as I sort of sit behind her on the bed.
More silence. Finally I say, “I just want you to be happy. That’s all.”
It’s true, too. During all the silence and staring and weird stuff I was thinking in my head what can I say that’s real simple and expresses how I feel? So first I thought about what do I feel. Then once I figured that out I thought how can I tell her this real simply, with the least chance of being completely misunderstood. That’s what I did.
I could feel the tension easing a bit.
“I want us to be happy.” By the way the whole laughing-at-the-suggestion-of-sex thing? That never gets mentioned again. Ever. And no, there is no sex on this night.
So how does my wife go from one extreme to the other? Totally flipping out at a mild remark to admitting that she is cuckoo?
She doesn’t. She is actually both these people all the time. She can’t admit to me she’s insane. And she can’t deny to her friend that she’s insane. It’s all about who she is sharing her reality with.
That’s my best shot at explaining it. If you have better please please please enlighten my befuddled mind.
I like the post as it is. It has personality…I can almost see your confusion as you write it. If you edit it, please don’t do it on account of my comment. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Thanks for the vote of confidence! I try to be real clear when I write, but you’re right, I was confused! I like what you said about the post.
That’s the funny thing, is I never said she was crazy at all. My initial statement was, “When I asked you to have sex with me you just laughed.”
I was referring to something that happened a week before. A week earlier I had made my moves on her and she just laughed em off and I was a bit pissed about it (but I just held it in). Then all I did was wait a week and finally told her what she did and she totally flipped out and ran in the basement and cried and, well you read it all up there. Then she was saying that I called her crazy (because she didn’t remember laughing at me, so in essence I was telling her she did something she didn’t remember doing, and in her mind that’s the same as calling her crazy – I guess).
It is a bit confusing the way I wrote it, I kind of jump around. I’ll try and edit it all if I have the time. It’s a good story, and I won’t forget it any time soon, what with all the crying and stuff.
I’m slightly *confused. So did you say she was crazy in the course of asking her to have sex? Or did she just finally tell you, “I’m not crazy” because she knows you well enough to know that after her quick outburst you prolly THINK she’s crazy? If it’s the latter, I suggest you forget the crazy part and clarify the outburst from your request to have sex. It sounds like something I would do.
Get sex request. Cry (because of something connected that’s bothering me). run to basement-ish room (we don’t normally have basements on Guam). get cajoled. move. cry some more. Confirm I’m not crazy.
See. I’m not crazy. :)